Will: 11
Jon: 6
Will moved out to an early 1-0 lead, bringing Jon to tears after a stirring Frisbee Golf victory, shooting 3 Under Par. But Jon mounted his stead and tied things 1-1 with a Hor to Horse victory. Then Jon moved ahead, 2-1, in a quite unJonly fashion, mating Will in 40 moves. Will went to the mattresses and stepped the competition up a notch, pummelling Jon in a Sit-up Contest, 55 to 46. With the score tied at 2-2, Jon knew he needed a victory. A strong victory at Crosswords had Will wondering, "Did I give up Julliard for this?" But will couldn't be kept down for long, and he sat his way back to 3-3. Then, Will's dominance in this year contest began to be known. Crushing victories in Place Kicking (Jon was so staggered that he couldn't even kick the ball) and Water Gallonarama put Will up 5-3.
Jon took back the Water Gallon, making it his own by holding it longer, by nearly a minute, inching closer at 5-4, Will. This would prove, however, to be too little. Will moved on by dominating Foot Juggling, outthrowing Jon like a girl, using just 1/2 of a Javadskill, out Videogaming at the 1980s Arcade, and hitting the big rubber ball farther to improve his lead to 9-4. When asked to explain will could simply respond, "Hey, I've been making an ass of myself for yours. Don't expect some recent upstart to out ass me!"
Jon bit back, winning the Haight Street Wall sit and the Candle Punching Contest (only the flame). I must admit, though, the real losers were the American Viewing audience. JON SUH STILL HASN'T FINISHED BUILDING THE CANDLE PAGE!!!!!!
Will coasted into his final victory at 11-6, by out Armwrestling and Football Tossing the Suh.
I cannot affirm or deny. Please e-mail us with your thoughts for contests for next summer (but let me say in advance, contrary to constant requests, we will still not be "Eating Shit and Dying..."). Thanks to all our fans and the City of San Francisco.
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