DOWN THE HATCH 06 - 20 - 2003

REQUISITE JAVADSKILLZ:   3

Will Wins:           Emptying the Gallon in 20:15

NARRATIVE: BY WILL, THE CHAMP One day, back in the early 1980s, I wondered what I would be when I grew up. Would I be smart? Would I be funny? What adventures would I get into when I was older and ready to face the world? How would I be a man? Welpers, its 2003 and the answer is quite clear. I have blossomed from a bored and scared ne'er do well into a challenge busting machine, pressing the limits of mankind. The task was designed simply and perfectly. Each contestant got a 1 Gallon Jug of water. The first one to down the monstrosity, blending it with his acidic acid to become part of his soul, would be the winner. Man versus the pain of too much to drink. As I looked toward the future, preparing to gulp, I knew my destiny had been fulfilled. Me and Jon began with confidence. Naive and childlike. Each spurning the gallon of water. Ridiculing it. Tempting fate. But as 4 minutes ticked off, we were beginning to sweat. We questioned the life we'd chosen. Both man fought on, as our stomaches expaned, creaking, begging for mercy. But mercy comes not to men of war. And in this war that is the ultimate summer contest, no man would back down. No man would accept defeat.

Will Heckles His Water Jug

As the twenty minuite mark approached, I was finally beginning to see the bottom of my gallon. Jon knew he was defeated. Nonetheless, he continued to gulp water, rueing the gut-ache sure to ensue. At the end of the race I was two paces forward and Jon was two paces back. I roared triumphantly as the last drop expelled into my throat. Jon choked back tears, as he fell back, 5-3, in the quest for Summer Victory. Nothing could quench the fire that glows in this contestant's heart. Not even a gallon of water.

Jon Belittles HIs Water Jug (Above)

QUOTES: WILL: "Some days I'm so ashamed of my life. Today is not one of those days!!" JON: "You know how they say sometimes when you lose, you actually win?"

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