This Cross Bears a Burden
Will - 100 of 188
The contest was a simple one - who could finish more of the San Francisco Chronicle crossword puzzle in 10 minutes? Each correct square was worth one point, and each incorrect square cost you one point. Easy, right?
Will, fresh off his victory in the fradulent push-up contest, sought to make it 2 in a row by selecting a challenge of brains, not brawn. Having only succeeded in the jock-type challenges, this wasn't so wise for Will the Witless Wonder. That's www.www.com, folks.
After I got back from another grueling day of protecting people's constitutional rights (Will spent the day rubbing his butt on the office carpet and shocking himself), we sat down with copies of the day's crossword puzzle. The microwave was set for 10 minutes. To my left, a water bottle. To my right, cinnamon crackers. Straight ahead, the future.
A split second after we started I panicked a bit, but settled down after I saw Will trying to write with the wrong end of a pen. Soon, I was cooking. I was rampaging through the clues like Brando through a Bennigan's.
Time was called, and I had a foreboding sense looking at Will's puzzle that he might have won. But it was silly to doubt my formidable crossword prowess. My problem is that I'm so modest I often don't realize I have the most all-around skills of anyone since Beowulf. Most importantly, I humbled Will in another activity he takes very, very seriously.
Jon: "Will says he needs to start coming up with harder challenges if he doesn't want me to run away with this competition. The problem is, I'm great at everything."
Will: "I gave up Juilliard for this?"